


different meanings of the word beautiful

by spooky_samhain



Category: Hellenistic Religion & Lore
Genre: F/M, Gen, I Tried, M/M, Swearing, basically this is abt eros, but not like a lot, i say fuck twice, pls, this isnt super good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 17:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spooky_samhain/pseuds/spooky_samhain





	different meanings of the word beautiful

The first time someone calls him beautiful he cries. Unable to stop the tears that fall and fall. (Even then his love calls him beautiful.) They hold each other the rest of the night;  _ beautiful, beautiful,  _ being whispered in his ear until he falls asleep.

 

Beautiful had a different meaning then, it meant  _ i love your tragic smile and that fiery hair.  _ It meant,  _ I'm not in love with you, I'm in love with how you look.  _ He didn't realise this until later and then he cried for a different reason.

 

The second time someone calls him beautiful he laughs, a bitter and empty thing. He still does not believe it, does not believe he is a person worthy of the word, but still his love whispers to him: “ _ you're so beautiful.”   _ He leaves as soon as the sun has risen; his heart in his throat, tears pricking his eyes as he chokes on the pieces. 

 

Beautiful here meant  _ broken.  _ Meant,  _ i'm sorry you're broken, I'm sorry you love me, I'm sorry that it has to end like this.  _ Beautiful here was synonymous with leaving, with heartache. 

 

The third time someone calls him beautiful he smiles, coolly replying, “ _ i know. _ ” This time it isn't special and he knows it; the other body in his bed is simply using him. “ _ you're absolutely stunning, _ ” choked out between gritted teeth, short nails leaving scratches down his back. After they are done he cries, letting his golden wings fall limply behind him.

 

Here he had no illusions that beautiful meant anything other than:  _ you're a good fuck.  _ It was written in the scratches down his back and the bruises on his throat,  _ you're only good for sex.  _ He gets used to this meaning of beautiful, hearing it often enough when strangers warm his bed. 

 

The fourth time someone calls him beautiful he doesn't reply, not verbally, instead he presses his lips against theirs in a hungry kiss. He is empty and full of so much tragedy, so much sorrow, so much love. They kiss until he pulls away, breathless and face flushed a cherry red. He leaves then and there. He is a starving god and he knows this, he knows that he is hungry, wanting, for the one thing he can't have for himself. This is the last time he kisses a stranger for the fun of it. 

 

He doesn't stay long enough to hear this meaning of beautiful. Nor does he care. It doesn't fill the emptiness in his chest or set his heart aflame. Beautiful was a word and nothing more. 

 

. . .

 

The first time she calls him beautiful he feels something. Like his heart has been set on fire. He is speechless for a long moment, the only sound between them the beats of their hearts.  _ Love me _ , they seem to say.  _ Love me, Love me.  _ He stammers, running long fingers through his hair and staring at her. When he tells her she's beautiful too, he really means  _ i love you.  _

 

When she says he's beautiful, she means it. She doesn't mean  _ you're only good for sex _ , or  _ i only love you for your looks _ , or  _ i wish you would fuck me.  _ She calls him beautiful and it damn near brings him to tears. 

 

. . .

 

The first time he calls him beautiful, the meaning is lost in translation. It is lost in a mess of confusing feelings that the word causes, especially coming from  _ him.  _ The god of healing, who only seems to succeed in breaking his heart again and again. They hate each other, or so it seems, and beautiful could have meant so many things. He never suspected it meant beautiful. 

 

They fight for hours, voices raised and hearts beating out of their chests. He screams, _i hate you!_ But they both know I hate you doesn't mean i hate you, it means: _im scared_ _of how much I love you._ They kiss after this, burning and hungry - _I love you / you're beautiful_ \- and it's like an explosion. 

 

. . . 

 

Now, he knows what beautiful means. 

 

It means:  _ I love you, heart and soul,  _ from Psyche as she runs her fingers along his golden wings, making him shiver.

 

It means:  _ I love you so much, despite our past,  _ from Apollo as he presses gentle kisses between his shoulder blades, making him sigh with pleasure. 


End file.
